Will the real BigRin please stand up? A guest column by George Oliver
Ryan Kelley/Ryan Kelly. It’s a surprisingly generic name, and it’s tough to keep all of them straight. For those of you that have struggled to understand where our beloved blogger fits in the world of Ryan Kellys/Kelleys, no need to fear! My good friend has compiled an unbiased ranking of all these people (that we know), factoring qualities such as athleticism, intelligence, musical ability, proper spelling of “Ryan Kelley”, and blog quality.
Unranked – R Kelly
You may have expected R Kelly’s great musical ability to give him a fighting shot in these rankings, but you thought wrong because his first name is Robert. He’s not even remotely qualified for this competition.
T-6th – Ryan Kelley and Ryan Kelley
We actually don’t know too much about these Ryan Kelleys (we just discovered them in a Facebook search five seconds ago), but they both went to a couple dumb ag schools (NC State and Cornell), so they really can’t be much.
5th – Ryan Kelly
A basketball player for Duke and the Los Angeles Lakers, Ryan Kelly has some reasonable athletic prowess. But one look at his face and it’s clear he has zero musical prowess. His Duke degree may seem impressive, but it’s actually pretty lackluster as far as Ryan Kelleys go. Blog post is nonexistent and name is misspelled. Actually, he’s just an embarrassment of a Ryan Kelley.
4th – Ryan Kelly
A three-time national champion and unanimous All American at Alabama, Ryan Kelly is currently tearing it up in the NFL because he is a physical beast. Unfortunately, his education is not up to par, and his name is still spelled wrong, so he fails to reach the podium.
3rd – Ryan Kelly
A graduate of Brown, where he won the Ivy League Championships in the 200M at track, Ryan Kelly clearly has both intelligence and athleticism. However, his musical prowess and blog’s existence is TBD. Plus, his name is still wrong. Clearly his Brown degree didn’t teach him how to spell.
2nd – Ryan Kelley
Ryan Kelley had a respectable track career at the US Naval Academy, with a 5K time as fast as 14 minutes 24 seconds. We can assume his brains and athleticism are the reason why our military has been destroying ISIS left and right in recent months. Sadly, he seems to keep a low-profile due to his tenure in the military, so there is no blog to judge him by. He would’ve been a clear winner otherwise because let’s be real; this Ryan slays.
1st – TheBigRinRyan
This Ryan Kelley is the real deal. He’s squared up with Chris Paul in basketball (above) in addition to killing the JV Cross Country scene in High School. He can play just about any Guitar Hero song on medium. His name is spelled correctly. Plus, he has a quality education from the prestigious University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and writes a world-class blog with no less than 26 views on any given post. With all due respect to Ryan Kelley, this Ryan Kelley is the clear-cut greatest Ryan Kelley.
Editor’s note: George Oliver did not receive any compensation for this article.
The purpose of this study was to determine whether it is most beneficial to go first, second or third in a game of Cut-Throat (see below for games rules). Generally, the order of the game is decided by a game of Rock, Paper Scissors, with the winner getting to choose his/her starting position. So if you win the game of Rock, Paper Scissors, which starting place should you choose?
To answer this question, I kept track of the starting order and finishing order of 36 different games among players of similiar skill. The starting order of each game was randomized by a game of Rock, Paper Scissors, although the winner didn’t get a choice of his/her starting place, as is customary. The winner had to go first, second place second, and third last. This randomized starting order makes the assumption that Rock, Paper Scissors is truly a random game but the results weren’t as clear.
Cut-Throat is a billiards game played with three people. After making one ball, each player gets to decide which suite of balls they want; either lows (1-5), mids (6-10) or highs (11-15). Rather than pocketing your own balls, the object is to pocket all of your opponent’s balls.
Is three-way Rock, Paper Scissors (RPS) really random?
Not really but it was close enough. In theory, the results below should show each player finishing in each place 33% of the time— but it didn’t. 11points.com has a couple theories on why the game isn’t truly random.
Your brain is always making choices, whether you know it or not. In order for the game to be random, your choices would have to be random as well.
Larger studies show people throw paper 30% of the time and Rock and Scissors 35% of the time each.
People will often throw whatever just beat them.
Given the option, should you go first, second or third in Cut-Throat?
You should choose to go second! Maybe third overall but you definitely don’t want to go first. The graph below shows the player who goes second wins 47% of all games, vs. 36% for the third player and only 17% for the first player.
The first player is doomed from the start, making only 3.7 balls per game compared with players two and three pocketing about five and a half (see 2.1). The first player only made a ball on the break about 25% of the time, leaving several opportunities open for players two and three to take control on the game. This is true across all players as shown in graph 2.2.
Going second is usually the most favorable; however note that the third player makes the most average balls per game (see 2.3). Nonetheless, second place still wins more games overall because they get one additional turn in a victory (meaning if they pocket the last of the opponent’s balls player three doesn’t get an opportunity to respond).
Who is the best player of the group?
Unfortunately, it’s not me. Winning more than 33% of all games means you’re an above average player. There’s not an exact correlation between balls made and Win % but I would say our best players are Kyle, Bowen and Evan. Impressively, Kyle had the highest win percentage despite the highest percentage of being forced to go first (the worst starting position).
In full disclosure I don’t really drink sodas but I decided to do a blind taste test and rank them anyway. Here’s the main takeaway; the older Coke Zero formula is better, although they all taste about the same.
Takeaways from Ryan: I used to be a huge jerk for always replying “No, Pepsi isn’t okay” given that I preferred Pepsi to Coke in a blind taste test. Also I may have missed every guess but at least I was able to differentiate between sugar and sugar-free.
Takeaways from Evan: Evan likes to drink both Coke and Coke Zero so these results probably won’t affect his soda drinking habits. Plus it doesn’t really matter that he likes the old formula better because it’s now been totally replaced.
What to look for next: Cut-Throat (billiards) statistics: Does order matter? Is rock-paper-scissors really random?