Photo Evidence that Ryan Doesn’t Know How to Use Photoshop

Here’s how I imagine my next job interview going…. “Ryan, Do you know how to use Photo Shop?” “No.” “Can you prove it?” “Yes.”

 

 

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Uncovering Ryan’s Google Search History: An Exposé

Here’s a list of questions I’m too embarrassed to ask in public but just dumb enough I’ll post on the internet. Answering life’s toughest questions like  “how to food” and “is it safe to buy advil from Mexico.”

May 12: “does butter have  carbs” –Surprisingly no, no carbs in butter.

May 7: “baby its 3 a.m. and I must be lonely” –Looks like I was looking for the Matchbox 20 song…

May 3: “a nation’s pride (1944)” –A fictional movie from the movie Inglorious Bastards.

April 3: “how many days in April” –Appropriately asked on April 3.

March 27: “mens book club near me” –This one wasn’t my idea…

March 24: “when guys brunch” –I don’t remember what was going on here… I do like brunch though.

March 21: “suddenly i don’t feel so insecure” –Strange I know but it’s a Sum 41 song.

March 21: “why do we have social security” –Mainly to decrease poverty for the elderly and protect people from poor financial investments.

March 19: “urban dictionary keeping it real” Find out what happens when keeping it real goes wrong here.

March 17: “fake news” –Lots of news about fake news.

March 14: “is charles schwab a bank” –I think so but the fact that I had to ask that question means I probably shouldn’t be using them.

March 12: “Can I spray paint beer bottles?” –Yes its generally safe if you ever have the need, just don’t get paint near the cap.

 

How Much Does it Really Cost to Have a Girlfriend: A One-month Study

I already know your first thought… Brittany (your girlfriend) is going to kill you! Probably true but I did it anyways. Over the past month, I kept track of every direct cost of having a girlfriend.

May 1: Britt bought ice cream for me. Cost: $3.5. Running total: -$3.50 (dollars to have a girlfriend each month).
May 4: Britt bought me an expensive cocktail at Calavera. Cost: $10. Running total: -$13.50.
May 8: I bought ice cream. Cost: $3.50. Running total: -$10.
May $19: I bought a round of drinks at Top O.  Cost: $6. Running total: -$4.
May 20: Erin (my sister) gave me tickets to a Brad Paisely concert. Cost: free! We went to dinner beforehand at the Loop. Cost: $9.50. Running total: $5.50.
May 23: Dinner at Imbibe, I had a gift card so it was basically free. Don’t go here for food though… 1 star.
May 31: So this one’s on me. I really wanted to go to a Green Day concert and I think the only way I could convince anyone to go with me was if I buy a ticket for Britt. Cost: $65. Running total: $70.50.

This isn’t a perfect sample size but here’s the verdict; $70.50 per month to have a girlfriend (which I think is actually one of the lightest months to date). In other words, $846 per year or $56,682 per lifetime but who’s counting.

 

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Ryan’s Car Survival Kit: 13 things that will either save your life or make your life slightly more convenient

Maybe this is just the Boy Scout in me but everyone should keep these things in their car. I can’t guarantee the save your life part but you’ll be dry when it rains, have light when it’s dark, and your swimsuit when it’s time to party.

  1. First-Aid Kit- I bought one from Walmart for $5 and added a few things to it.
  2. Flashlight- A close #2… Keep it in your glove box.
  3. Rain jacket/umbrella- If this were a bingo game this would be the free space.
  4. Cash- $20 should be fine. I stashed it in the first-aide kit so I don’t end up spending it on beer (but you could if you needed to).
  5. Pocket knife
  6. Duct Tape- For literally everything else.
  7. Jumper Cables
  8. Warm Jacket- It gets cold, even in the summer.
  9. Change of clothes- Mainly in case I ever spill coffee on me at work.
  10. Swimsuit- This is the slightly more convenient part ^^^
  11. Toothbrush/toothpaste
  12. Lighter- I don’t smoke, I just occasionally need to burn things.
  13. Cell phone charger- Assuming most people already have one anyway.

***BONUS POINTS: Don’t forget to check the air pressure in your spare tire, they do go flat!!

Less than Four and Under 20: Ryan Learns How to Cook and So Can You! (Part 2)

I’m not sure why but my last easy cooking post was by far the most popular post to date. So here it is… Southwest Sweet Potatoes with 4 ingredients in 20 minutes.

  1. Throw some sweet potatoes in the microwave and hit the potatoes button

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2.Take a can of corn, black beans, and diced tomatoes and mix together in a bowl

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3. Hollow out the potato a little bit and put the mix inside of the sweet potato.  Optional: Add cheese (ingredient #5, I get it). Done!!

Bonus Level!!! Take chicken breast and boil it on the stove for 10ish minutes. Maybe even throw in some taco seasoning?? When it’s ready, shred the chicken and throw it in the sweet potato!

 Idea originally came from lmld.org and I dumbed it down a lot

See Part 1 Here!

Ryan Gets Iced for the First Time with Commentary from Andres Cantor

I got the lowest score in my fantasy football league in Week 6 😦 So two things came out of that.. 1. I drank a gross, sugary beverage and 2. I learned how to use iMovie.